There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
