My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
