i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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