She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
