Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
