So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
