the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
