i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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