Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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