a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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