I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
