Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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