i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
