There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
