dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
