Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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