its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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