My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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