The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
