I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
