Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
