o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
