im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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