she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
