OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
