just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
