You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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