Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
