can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
