I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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