He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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