i permit you to call me
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
