I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
