WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I touched a dick in church today
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
