he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
