Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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