I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
