I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
