i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's blow job season.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
