ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I love having hate sex.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
