Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
