Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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