She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize