I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
