ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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