I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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