after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
