You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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