we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
