forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
