I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Porn is love you can see.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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