Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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