I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
