She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Drunk is a universal language darling
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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