It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
