I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
