how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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