Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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