It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
where are my eyebrows?
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