hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
