I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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