HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I believe in your delicious
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
