We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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