oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
