Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
honey bunches of taint.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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