Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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