I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
