I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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