I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
