Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
