so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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