Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
