Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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