even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
