Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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