she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The adults are the big ones right?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
