Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
