carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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